Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
did you just send me my own nude
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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