Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
