"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
