My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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