He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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