she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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