it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
