the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
