dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
