i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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