I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
