Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
COCAINE IS GR8
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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