I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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