I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
