Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
