Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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