Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
