Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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