So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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