So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
