Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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