Yo dont text me then not text me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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