so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Someone signed my nipple.
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