my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
