I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He shit in the fireplace
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