Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

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(574): View more from Indiana

apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him

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(406): View more from Montana

A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.

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(805): View more from California

It's like a toaster oven for my penis

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(+61): View more from Australia

Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?

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(314): View more from Missouri

Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.

(314): View more from Missouri

and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...

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