Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon

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(269): View more from Michigan

You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.

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(970): View more from Colorado

You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.

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(541): View more from Oregon

You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.

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(979): View more from Texas

Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"

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(510): View more from California

EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.

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