I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
