So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
