hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
