My hand turned me down
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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