wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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