Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
