just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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