dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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