I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
