having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
