the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i would punch a child for taco bell
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
