guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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