Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
