You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
