If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
