meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
