I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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