we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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