I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize