So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
the liver wants what the liver wants
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
