Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
