she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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