do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
