My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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