This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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