the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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