Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
