Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
