If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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