i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
