Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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