No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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