DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
