I wish I only lived at night.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
