There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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