those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
