My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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