Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Nicole vs. Life
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
