I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
