remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
