let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
