at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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