I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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