it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
