I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
organizing the empties. That sober.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
