There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
