I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
